In a social media platform where images, videos, and even chats exchanged through private message disappears seconds after it’s opened, perverts and sexual opportunists roam the SnapChat sphere without shame and inhibition. As much as I wish to say that I have yet to experience this disgusting encounter, that is definitely not the case. Yes. I am not a dick-pic-shoved-into-my-Snapchat virgin… *pause for effect* anymore. Although I am definitely not new to this kind of one-way pleasure in the world of social media, I am still caught off guard and disgustingly shocked EVERY SINGLE TIME.
WARNING!!! BEFORE YOU PROCEED, KNOW THAT (1) THIS BLOG POST CONTAINS A LOT OF SWEARING, (2) THE WORDS “DICK” AND “PENIS” APPEARS MORE THAN ONCE, AND (3) THERE MIGHT BE MULTIPLE PICTURES/GIFS OF DICKS JUST BECAUSE. CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” and “I told you so,” will be legit and valid defenses that I might use more than once.
FASQ (Frequently Asked Stupid Questions) from irrelevant people:
- Why did you install the app in first place?
- Why don’t you just uninstall it?
- Why did you add him/her/it as a friend in the first place?
- Why don’t you just ignore it and block them instead of making such a fuss?
(1) In the first place, I installed Snapchat because I wanted to see snaps from people who I actually like and look up to, (2) unlike other people, I don’t let 1 (or a hundred) people dampen my Snapchat mood just because a pervert can’t keep his dick in his pants, (3) unlike other people, I don’t judge someone before I even get to know them first, for even just a little bit, (4) I like to think that I actually like giving people chances,and (5) YES, I do block them, but IGNORING them is NOT OKAY.
Why JUST IGNORING THEM is NOT OKAY:
- It’s NEVER okay to “just ignore” a disgustingly, disrespectful move towards you or towards anyone for that matter. Address the problem, give them hell for it, politely curse the fuck out of them, AND THEN ignore them. And also, BLOCK them. Block them from your life. Block their wrinkly balls and tiny-ass dicks out of your brain.
- Ignoring them sends these perverts the wrong signal (and God knows how these people even translate signals in their brains), but just ignoring them could translate to: maybe that chick just wasn’t interested so I’ll just shove this picture of my dick to another chick, they might not mind, and hey, it’s worth the try. NO. NO. NO.
- If you won’t give them hell for such a heinous act, then who will?
Situations where receiving a dick pic is OKAY:
- If you asked for it, like: “Hey dude, lemme see a dick pic.” But ask politely and always say please. “Please?“
- If it’s from your boyfriend/manfriend/beau/whatever you wanna call it and if you asked for it first, like: “Hey boyfriend/manfriend/beau/whatever I wanna call it, I wanna see your dick, give me a solid and send me lil a snap will ya?”
- IF YOU VERBALLY ASKED FOR IT. ONLY IF you really, really, really, really, really, for the life of you, really, wanted it.
What to do when someone sends you a dick pic on Snapchat or anywhere else where dick pics allow (WARNING! Steps may or may not work for you. Follow at your own risk.) :
Step 1: Observe dick pic. Hey, not everyone gets the chance to see more than 1 or 10 penises in their life time. Give the girl/guy a break!
Step 2: Be disgusted. Or not.
Step 3: Tell them off – “Plz get your fucking dick out of my fucking face.” BONUS: Or you can thank them, whatever floats your boat. – “What a glorious penis you have, thank you for sharing it with me. But I am offended as I didn’t ask for this and really dude? Inserting a dick pic out of the blue in the middle of a wholesome and innocent conversation over the internet? Is that really how you pick girls/guys these days? What have become of the human race?! NOT OKAY.”
Step 4: BLOCK THEM. Or not. Depends on you. Hey, who knows, this might be how you will meet the future love of your life, eh? Eh? No? Okay.
Step 5: RANT OVER. Rant. Rant. Rant. Rant on Facebook. Use the same, shortened version of that rant and post it on Twitter. Take a screenshot of that Facebook/Twitter post and post it on fucking Instagram or Tumblr. Hell, post it everywhere. Fucking use profanities and swear your head off. It feels fucking good. Better than actually killing someone out of pent up anger. DUH.
and finally, Step 6: Blog it. At least that’s one less blog post to think about. 😀
Adrienne le Martian 